From my mother's religious Archers listening, through John Peel in my early teens, to France's astonishing FIP whilst at university, quality radio has always been important to me.
Quality being the operative above, 'how did it come to this?' was the simplistic yet overwhelming feeling as I entered Bauer Media for a marketing meeting with Magic FM last week. Whilst the building also houses FHM and Zoo, even the prospect of bumping into stars from last week's 'Mega Boobs Issue' of the latter failed to lift my spirits as I waited in reception.
Having left us for 10 excrutiating minutes (within which I could only contemplate quite what I was doing within such a tragic arena) our appointment finally descended to greet us. Now I wasn't pinning any hopes on forging friendships at Magic but even I was surprised at the stomach churning awfulness of Mike. A graduate of University Radio Stockport [or insert shit poly here], Mike was wet behind the ears with sickly enthusiasm for all things Magic, sported a stoopid ginger fopp and poorly cut suit combo, all of which seemingly engineered to match his 'I live with my Mum' West London persona. But Mike...oh, he just couldn't wait to show Trophy_Wife and myself around.As our tour moving from one tragedy to the next wore on Trophy_Wife was looking increasingly unimpressed with me as my expression shifted from bewilderment, through to despondancy, finishing up with thinly veiled disdain for being there. But Mike was simply the most intolerable of gimps I've had the displeasure of coming into contact with. The money shot arrived when with great pleasure Mike took us into the 'Live Studio!' Trophy_Wife's well-honed 'pleasure to meet you' face was in stark contrast to my wearing of 'who is this loser?' but nothing could kick any professionalism into me. I just couldn't bear it.
[insert loser 'DJ' here] keenly explained how there wasn't a single record in the studio and how Autopilot on Selector was running his whole show bar his occasional moments of patter. There were but 2 things that amazed me during my 'studio time'. First, that this guy was actually explaining to us that he didn't do anything - why would anyone admit that? - and second, that this was all news to Trophy_Wife, a supposed media professional!
The finale to this excursion was the marketing meeting itself in which Mike and his top-heavy boss rolled out their tired marketing pitch to us as we cosily hung out on the Big Brother house sofas. Trophy_Wife did well at feigning interest and managed not to cut to the financial chase for at least 20 minutes, whilst I looked on scouring the building for eye candy, Katie Price or an open window and parachute.I must've looked like Tom Chaplin on release from a Universal-enforced Priory visit as I departed Bauer and practically ran into the nearest boozer to neck a Guiness, and pretend that this whole torrid incident had never taken place.
